If you're a mom, you remember the early days of your first infant. You faithfully read about your child's stages of development in Dr. Spock or What to Expect the First Year, and you listened on pins and needles to your doctor's expectations for your child. I remember those first days with Ben at home being rather chaotic, and I was watching for each development by the minute.
So, the books told me that I would see Ben's first "smile" at six weeks. At the beginning of week five (surely my kids was "advanced"), I remember trying to force it out of him. Don't I deserve it a little early after all of these sleepless nights? After all of the spit up, murky yellow diapers, and pacing around the house, couldn't you give me just one little grin? You should have seen the dances that I would do, the contorted faces I would make, the toys I would shake for hours in front of his little face. Greg and I used to laugh at the videos that could be made of ourselves just to get a little smile out of the guy. Why in the world did I need that smile so badly? I know I imagined the first few smiles, but I do remember that feeling of elation when I saw a genuine smile form on Ben's mouth. Especially the first unsolicited one.
Also fresh to the story of child-rearing are those precious words, "Wuv you, Mama." It was less than a year ago that little Nathan began to form his first words and phrases. And since his birth, like any mom, I would tell him over and over, "I love you." For several months, of course, I didn't expect or even need a response. But when I knew that he was capable of saying it, some little human part of me, wanted to hear it. I had poured so much of my time and life into his. And, true, he was my third child in four years, and yes, I had the development book down by now, and yes, I realize that every child develops at his own pace. But what mom doesn't long for his child to return their love as soon as possible? Couldn't he just say it?
The happy ending is, of course, that he did. One day just a short "Wuv you" followed my three little words to him. And I was happy.
But then it happened. One day it was actually unsolicited. I don't remember doing anything especially sweet, sacrifical or noteworthy. He just said it. Out of nowhere. "Wuv you, Mama." Now this was completely different. What joy! A simple love that told me nothing more than he just wanted to be with me. That he liked me. That he knew that I loved him. I will tell you, that if this is at all familiar, there is nothing more precious than to taste and know this simple love from your child. Does he really love me? Apart from all of my labors of love and apart from my own words? I think so.
It has made me wonder about my love for my Father. How often do I tell Him that I love Him, unsolicited, not in response to a particular blessing, not because it is Sunday morning, not because He has rescued me from danger, not because He has forgiven a particular sin, but just because He is my Father. Just because...I want to be with Him. I like Him.
While I know that I could never say those three words often enough to my Creator, my Friend, my Great Shepherd, one thing I know for certain. My Father is not sitting up in heaven looking down on me trying to make funny faces, or shake some bells and whistles to get my attention or to get those three words out of me. He is not anxiously trying to make me smile or to get me to do something for Him.
He already knows it. He knows it because the ultimate Sacrifice has been made. His labor of love was wholly effective. He doesn't need to do anything else. He has written the words of His love and my own on my heart. He has put them there. He knows that I am childish, and that I will forget, and that I often love other things more than Him. But He knows and loves this child despite it, and He knows that to His children, belong the kingdom of God. What grace.
Yes, He probably does wait often to hear "I love you" from me, but always with a gentle, loving and sovereign grin, knowing and believing those words better than I do myself.
