Craziness

A sweet friend of mine recently gave me a copy of the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I was scared to death.

Why, might you ask? Well, I must say that while normally I'm not really swayed by titles, anything with the word "crazy" in it makes my heart beat faster, my hands itch, and my face harden. Anyone taking the time to read this probably already knows this about me, but I LIKE ORDER.

What is it about "craziness" that makes me so uncomfortable? Is it 3 screaming children running around the house swinging light sabers and crashing strollers, or is it the matchbox cars under every table, or laundry piles as high as mountains, or crayons stuck between chair cushions, or trails of sand from the sandbox winding through the living room, or tub water drowning the bathroom tile, or black-eye peas boiling over for lack of attention, or ....

Honestly, that may be part of it, but I don't think that is what scares me most about craziness. Maybe it used it be. Now, that is my norm, so I'm a little more comfortable with it.

There is a "craziness" that scares me even more. And it is not someone daring me to bungee jump, or train for an Iron Man, or shave my head. It is not that kind of crazy either.

It is the craziness that Chan talks about in his book, and it is exactly why I feared reading it. The craziness is twofold. First, our Father, our King, has a "crazy", inexplicable love for us. Our creator actually considers His people "His inheritance". This scares me. I can't do anything to change His feelings for me. I can't mess up enough to push Him away and I can't keep Him from pursuing me with His unquenchable affection for me, one of His children. His mercy and grace hound me. His Spirit won't leave me alone. Is that scary to anyone else?

The other side of this "craziness" is intimidating too. He calls us, as believers, not to "be conformed to the patterns of this world." (Romans 12:2) AHH! That verse haunts me sometimes. Is my life any different than the average middle-upper class white mom of three kids? Do I make decisions any differently because I am a follower of Christ? Does the "crazy" love that my Father have for me make me look "crazy" in the eyes of the world?

I'm afraid that for the most part, it does not. I spend my money much in the same way as everyone else. I care more about what soccer team Ben is going to be on than on how Christ is being exalted in Ben's life. I want Lauren's ponytails to somehow lay perfectly smooth (which never happens) at the expense of time spent just telling her about her beauty in Christ. As long as Nathan doesn't have his tantrum in the grocery store, I've had a successful day. And that house down the street is so cute and has so much more space for our family. Sound familiar?

I have no answers. But I am resigned to pursuing "craziness" (Did I really say that?). I'm praying that God will show me more of His crazy love for me, and that I would be willing to be "crazy" for Him. I don't think this means that I have to sell everything that I have and move to Africa, but I do think that by His changing me, my life will be foreign many people. I have no idea what this may look like. But it is completely scary and yes, crazy. So why then am I so excited?